Stuck on a Silt Strider with Strangers
by M'aiq the Liar
Summary: M'aiq writes about the Nerevarine's encounters on Vvardenfell's version of a bus, the Silt Strider. Just when you thought you knew where public transportation's bottom lies...
1. Pre Prophecy Fulfillment

All the Elder Scrolls properties are under the Elder Scrolls (Bethesda) license; I'm just borrowing.

The following piece of literature is a M'aiq the Liar production. The events are fictional…to this Khajiit's knowledge.

**Stuck on a Silt Strider with Strangers**

_Starring_…_the Nerevarine_.

_Also featuring_…(_in no particular order_)…_a Dunmer, a Bosmer, a Breton, and an Altmer_.

_Celebrity guest appearance_…_Dagoth Ur_.

_**Pre-Prophecy Fulfillment**_

_On a silt strider en route to Balmora from Seyda Neen, there is an Altmer man, a dark-looking Breton woman, a Bosmer man, and a Dunmer driver_.

**Dunmer**: So…who are you?

**Nerevarine**: Oh, uh, no one really. Do you know who Caius Cosades is by chance?

**Dunmer**: Nope, I don't know who he is.

**Breton**: I think I have heard the name.

**Nerevarine**: Really? Can you tell me—

**Bosmer**: —Sit on _your_ side, Altmer!

**Altmer**: Be quiet!

**Bosmer**: No! I'm not going to take that from you!

**Breton**: Silence, children.

**Nerevarine**: Uh…so about Cosades…

**Bosmer**: Hey, you! Yeah, you! Who do you think you are?

**Nerevarine**: Well, no one…_yet_, but I'm gonna be big. I just know it.

_The Elves break into laughter as the Breton stares at the Nerevarine_.

**Altmer**: Heh, sure kid. You'll be as big as this Bosmer here, I'm sure.

**Bosmer**: Hey! I'm warning you, Altmer!

_The Nerevarine sighs and turns to the Breton_.

**Nerevarine**: No one understands…

**Breton**: That's right. You're misunderstood. Just end it all now before more misunderstandings—

**Dunmer**: No cult crap right now, okay?

**Breton**: Be damned these Elven folk.

**Dunmer**: Yeah, yeah.

**Breton**: And be damned public transportation! If I could, I would—

**Bosmer**: —Altmer! I'm serious! Put your knee there again and see what happens!

**Dunmer**: Calm down already!

_The Bosmer mumbles to himself angrily, and an awkward silence ensues_.

**Altmer**: Oh, look there. Is that Balmora?

_The Bosmer stands to look around_.

**Bosmer**: Where?

_The Altmer pushes the Bosmer off the silt strider_. _The Nerevarine gasps_.

**Nerevarine**: Holy Azura! Did you just push him off the strider?

**Altmer**: Maybe.

_The Nerevarine turns to the driver_.

**Nerevarine**: Aren't you going to say anything?

**Dunmer**: What are you talking about? I didn't see a thing.

**Altmer**: And I don't _hear_ a thing, so all's well.

**Breton**: The voices will start soon. The dark ones will—

_The Dunmer shoots the woman a menacing glare, causing her to fall silent_.

**Dunmer**: (_Mumbling_) I'm 'bout to turn this damned strider around…fed up…no good…

**Altmer**: Any_way_, how long until we reach Balmora? I'm fed up with this ride.

**Dunmer**: Not too long.

**Altmer**: Very well.

_There is another awkward pause_.

**Breton**: (_Whispering_) I want you all to die.

_The Nerevarine__'__s eyes widen_.

**Nerevarine**: Well, that's a bit extreme; don't you think?

**Breton**: Extreme? Extreme? You think I'm extreme; is that what you think?

**Altmer**: (_Impatiently_) Obviously, the kid thinks that, or else the kid wouldn't have said it…

**Breton**: I'll have you know that I feel very—

**Dunmer**: —Hold on!

_The strider jerks forwards, sending the Breton colliding into the opposite side of the seating area_. _She is still lying there after a few moments_. _The Nerevarine glances down at the woman and then at the Altmer, who simply shrugs and looks elsewhere_.

**Nerevarine**: Shouldn't we do something?

**Altmer**: _Should_ we do something? No.

_The Nerevarine shrugs and sighs_. _The Altmer begins digging through the pockets in his shirt_. _He pulls out various objects, giving each a look of surprise as he pulls them out_.

**Altmer**: Well, I didn't know I still had _that_.

_He pulls out a spoon, a few pieces of saltrice, a hack-lo leaf, and a ripped piece of parchment_. _He sniffs the hack-lo and cringes in disgust_. _He glances at the Nerevarine, who is looking around at the hills_.

**Altmer**: Say, kid. You want some hack-lo?

_The Nerevarine perks a brow_.

**Nerevarine**: Pardon?

**Altmer**: Hack-lo. Would you like some?

**Nerevarine**: I'm not well acquainted with Vvardenfell flora, er, anything.

**Altmer**: Well! Allow me to tell you how _valuable_ this is. I would say most leaves of hack-lo run at…oh, seventy or ninety in gold _at least_.

**Nerevarine**: Really? Is it rare or something?

**Altmer**: Hah! 'Is it rare?' You hear this kid? It's hack-lo! It's definitely _not_ a common shrub.

**Nerevarine**: Well…that might be useful to have…

**Altmer**: Sure. I'd be willing to sell it to you for, oh, sixty in gold.

_The Dunmer coughs loudly_. _The Nerevarine stares at the Dunmer momentarily_.

**Nerevarine**: Are you all right?

**Dunmer**: Uh, yeah. (_Cough_) Swallowed a rat—a bug—er, yeah…

_The Altmer waves the hack-lo around_.

**Altmer**: So, you want this? Just sixty in gold!

**Nerevarine**: Well, I'm afraid I only have about fifty. It's to be used for things I need.

**Altmer**: Why, sera, there is nothing more you need! It's quite the herb really. It'll keep you feeling lucky, and if you're fatigued, it's quite the thing to help you out.

**Nerevarine**: Hmm, I dunno…

**Altmer**: Come on…

**Nerevarine**: Oh, all right!

_The Nerevarine gives the Altmer money for the hack-lo leaf, which, unbeknownst to the Nerevarine, is quite wilted and spoiled_. _The Dunmer glances at the Altmer as he counts his money_. _Finally, they reach Balmora_.

**Dunmer**: All right, let's shove out.

_As the Altmer gets up to leave, he trips over the still-unconscious Breton_.

**Altmer**: (_Falling_) Whoa, whoa—damn!

_The Altmer tumbles down the steps_. _The Dunmer frowns and pushes the Breton__'__s body onto the strider deck_. _He not-so covertly reaches into her pocket and takes out a handful of gold_. _The Nerevarine and Altmer glance at the Dunmer_.

**Dunmer**: What? Consider it a 'passing out' fee.

_The Nerevarine leaves without another word, shrugging dismissively_.

_On a shorter ride from Vivec to Suran, the Nerevarine is on a strider with only one other stranger, who seems to be a rather odd man_._ He wears a large, golden mask with three eye slits_. _The only clothing the man wore was a scant, red cloth flap hanging from his waist_.  
**  
Nerevarine**: Who are you?

**Dagoth Ur**: What? Me? Oh, no one.

**Nerevarine**: Oh. Why do you dress so funny?

**Dagoth Ur**: Funny? There's nothing funny about what I wear.

**Nerevarine**: Um, well, it's not like anything I've ever seen.

**Dagoth Ur**: Well, my type live way out, you know, not in town.

**Nerevarine**: So…what brought you to Vivec?

**Dagoth Ur**: …business…

**Nerevarine**: May I ask what kind of business?

**Dagoth Ur**: No, uh, no…

**Nerevarine**: Why are you headed to Suran?

_Dagoth Ur twitches angrily_.

**Dagoth Ur**: Let me ask _you_ something…

**Nerevarine**: Okay.

**Dagoth Ur**: Why the hell are you asking me so many damn questions! I can't wait to get back home to finally finish my plans to annihilate all you s'wit! You ruin all of Tamriel with your existence! Not even the Nerevarine will stop me! I WILL KILL—excuse me. I've said enough. You must sleep now.

**Nerevarine**: Sleep, but I don't wanna—

_Dagoth Ur quickly knocks the Nerevarine out_. _The Nerevarine awakens later after the strider is at its dock_. _He exits the strider just in time to see the strange man from the silt strider sneaking into Desele's House of Earthly Delights_.

**Nerevarine**: Hmm, with that setup he's got, I'm not surprised. He's a weirdo really; I'm glad I'll never have to see _him_ again…

_The Nerevarine shrugs and walks off into the city, forgetting all about the curious man_.


	2. In the midst of Prophecy Fulfillment

All the Elder Scrolls properties are under the Elder Scrolls (Bethesda) license; I'm still just borrowing.

The following piece of literature is a M'aiq the Liar production. The events are fictional…to this Khajiit's knowledge.

**Stuck on a Silt Strider with Strangers**

_Starring_…_the Nerevarine_.

_Also featuring_…(_in no particular order_)…_an Imperial, a Nord, a Dunmer, and a Bosmer_.

_Celebrity guest appearance_…_Crassius Curio_.

_**In the midst of Prophecy Fulfillment**_

_Traveling from Balmora to Vivec, the Nerevarine is on a strider with a Nord woman, an Imperial man, a Bosmer man, and a Dunmer driver_.

**Imperial**: Hmph, what a ride _this_ will be.

**Nord**: Yeah, I agree.

**Bosmer**: Whatever do you mean by that?

**Nord**: Well, I have some medicine for this.

_The Nord pulls out a flask of her mead_. _She begins drinking heavily_.

**Imperial**: You know, that doesn't really—

**Bosmer**: —What are you drinking, Nord? Can I have some?

**Imperial**: Oh, what the hell.

_The Imperial pulls out a bottle of Cyrodiilic_ _Brandy and drinks_.

**Nerevarine**: (_Mumbles to self_) I have a potion of Silence in my bag that I'm not going to drink…too bad it doesn't work like it sounds.

_They remain in silence for some time_.

**Nord**: Wow, I have had _way_ too much mead. All of you are powing glurple…ha! I mean, glowing purple…yeah, that's it.

_The Nerevarine and Imperial exchange glances_.

**Nerevarine**: What on earth are you talking about?

**Nord**: You're purple! I've been drinking too much of this mead…really…

_The Imperial snatches the bottle from her_. _He glances at it and frowns_.

**Imperial**: You drank a life detection potion.

**Nord**: No, I didn't, really…it's mead. I swear. I wouldn't even drink…uh, that.

**Bosmer**: I think you're drunk.

**Nord**: And I think you're handsome, sweetie.

**Imperial**: Yeah, she's drunk.

**Bosmer**: (_Angrily_) Hey!

**Nord**: Seen any elves? Aha ha!

**Bosmer**: What's that supposed to mean?

**Nerevarine**: Really, what _is_ that supposed to mean?

**Nord**: Dumb Bosmer…

**Bosmer**: That's enough out of you!

_The Nord stands shakily_.

**Nord**: What, what are you going to do about it then, huh?

_The Bosmer goes to shove the Nord_. _The Nord drunkenly topples backwards over the strider's edge_. _As she falls, she grabs the Bosmer's hand, taking him down with her_.

**Nerevarine**: Gravity is Azura's blessing.

**Imperial**: Well, actually, sera, gravity is the force that…

_The Imperial engages in a long speech about gravity_. _The Nerevarine drifts off to sleep in the midst of the speech_. _The Nerevarine has a dream_. _The Nerevarine sees the curious man from the ride to Suran_. _The man approaches the Nerevarine, talking about something_. _The Nerevarine only pays attention to his shiny mask, wondering how much the thing costs_. _Then, in the dream, Dagoth Ur reaches up to remove the mask_. _The Nerevarine is awoken by the Imperial's scream_.

**Imperial**: Good lord!

**Nerevarine**: What is it? Don't tell me those creepy ash zombies found me again…

**Imperial**: No!

**Nerevarine**: What is it?

**Imperial**: That Bosmer is hanging off the edge of the strider. He didn't fall all the way off!

**Nerevarine**: Well, I'm pretty sure there are netch fields just outside Vivec.

**Dunmer**: Actually, we go around the fields. We never risk the striders around the netch—

_The Imperial shoots a quick spell at the driver, and he glows green momentarily_. _The Dunmer blinks_. _Then, the Imperial clears his throat_.

**Imperial**: Dunmer, let's see the netch fields on the way.

**Dunmer**: Why, sure thing, sera…

_The remainder of the ride proves to be entertaining for them, and they arrive to Vivec in good spirits_.

_The Nerevarine then takes a ride from Vivec back to Balmora_. _This time there is only one other man besides the driver, an Imperial_.

**Crassius**: Well, hello there!

**Nerevarine**: Good day.

**Crassius**: What brings you to Balmora?

**Nerevarine**: …business…

**Crassius**: Fascinating! As for me, I'm headed to a Hlaalu council meeting, but I don't want to bore you with that talk. My name is Crassius Curio, a humble playwright. You can call me Uncle Crassius. Who might you be, pumpkin?

**Nerevarine**: Uh, well, I'm what they call the Nerevarine.

**Crassius**: Nerevarine, eh? I've yet to have seen the likes of _you_ before.

_Crassius scoots towards the Nerevarine_.

**Nerevarine**: I'm wearing a helmet, sera. Of course you haven't seen me.

**Crassius**: Yes, yes. Well, I like to think that race doesn't matter.

_The Nerevarine scoots away from Crassius_.

**Nerevarine**: Really. What about gender?

**Crassius**: Ha! That is silly.

_Crassius scoots towards the Nerevarine once more_.

**Nerevarine**: Well, um, that's…interesting. Look, as the Nerevarine, I have this oath, you see.

**Crassius**: An oath? Really?

**Nerevarine**: Yes, I…am not allowed to…uh…

**Crassius**: Allowed to what?

**Nerevarine**: …talk to strangers?

**Crassius**: Why! I'm Uncle Crassius. I'm no stranger to you!

**Nerevarine**: You see, uh, there's…

_Crassius leans on the Nerevarine, placing a hand upon the Nerevarine's knee_. _The Nerevarine pushes his hand off, remembering some of the Temple's teachings about temptation with strangers_.

**Nerevarine**: N-O, serjo!

**Crassius**: But…okay, fine.

_Crassius shrugs and scoots to the other side of the strider, pouting slightly_. _The Nerevarine sighs lightly and leans away from him_. _Things turn out to be quiet for the remainder of the trip but undoubtedly awkward_. _The Nerevarine almost wished there had been a Bosmer there to break the silence_…_almost_.


	3. Post Prophecy Fulfillment

All the Elder Scrolls properties are under the Elder Scrolls (Bethesda) license; I'm still just borrowing.

The following piece of literature is a M'aiq the Liar production. The events are fictional…to this Khajiit's knowledge. This chapter is the end of this small series of ridiculous events.

**Stuck on a Silt Strider with Strangers**

_Starring_…_the Nerevarine_.

_Also featuring_…(_in no particular order_)…_a Bosmer, a Dunmer, and an Argonian_.

_Celebrity guest appearance_…_M'aiq the Liar_.

**_Post Prophecy Fulfillment_**

_The Nerevarine is on a silt strider from Maar Gan to Khuul_. _Accompanying the Nerevarine on this ride is an Argonian man, a mysterious person in a hood, a Dunmer woman, and a Bosmer driver_.

**Bosmer**: Hey! I know who you are!

**Nerevarine**: Oh yeah?

**Bosmer**: Yeah! You're in the Thieves Guild, right?

_The Nerevarine coughs slightly_.

**Nerevarine**: No, you, uh, have the wrong person, sorry.

**Bosmer**: Are you sure?

**Nerevarine**: Bosmer, just keep your attention on driving, please.

**Bosmer**: Oh, right…but I could have sworn—

**Nerevarine**: —No, no…

_The Nerevarine pulls the Robe of the Hortator tighter_. _The Argonian turns to the Nerevarine_.

**Argonian**: Do you want to hear a joke?

**Nerevarine**: Uh, I suppose so.

**Argonian**: Okay, why do Khajiit lick butt?

_A hiss comes from the man in the hood_. _The Argonian appears worried_.

**Argonian**: Uh, that is not what I meant to say.

_He chuckles nervously_.

**M'aiq**: The Argonian was let out of the plantation long enough for a ride on the silt strider, eh?

**Argonian**: You watch your tongue, Khajiit.

_The Argonian stands up angrily_.

**Nerevarine**: I would suggest sitting down…

**Argonian**: Silence! I will take care of this little kitty.

_The Argonian goes to attack the Khajiit but the Dunmer woman pulls him down_.

**Dunmer**: Wipes-With-Hand, sit down!

**Argonian**: Agh! Yes, master, but I thought we agreed you would not call me that in public!

**Dunmer**: I said when I felt like it; now be quiet!

**Argonian**: Yes master.

_The Argonian sits and pouts_.

**Dunmer**: I apologize for his misbehavior, good Khajiit. What is your name?

**M'aiq**: The Khajiit calls himself M'aiq.

**Dunmer**: I see. I am Llani Hlaalu, proud member of the Great House Hlaalu.

**M'aiq**: You are like all the rest, just talk, talk, talk.

_Then, Dunmer turns to the Nerevarine_.

**Dunmer**: Oh, and who are _you_?

**Nerevarine**: Oh, well, I'm the Nerevarine. I ended Dagoth's unholy and savage reign of blight and misery over Vvardenfell, you know, that Nerevarine.

**Dunmer**: Oh! The Nerevarine!

**Bosmer**: So Nerevarine was in the Thieves Guild?

**Nerevarine**: I was _not_ in the Thieves Guild!

_The Nerevarine subtly and nervously stuffs the Skeleton Key further in the Robe of the Hortator's inner pocket_.

**Dunmer**: I wouldn't suppose. Tch, could anyone truly imagine a bunch of thieves starting a guild? Bah! Nonsense really…

**Argonian**: No, but a bunch of thieves did create a Great House...

**Dunmer**: Why you!

_The Dunmer goes to beat him_.

**Argonian**: I meant Telvanni!

_The Dunmer glares at him but stops anyway_.

**Bosmer**: The Telvanni are a bunch of thieves? I thought they were mages…

**Nerevarine**: If that Bosmer wasn't the driver, I'd push him off, I swear.

**Bosmer**: That's how my cousin died, actually. He fell off a strider just outside of Seyda Neen.

_The Nerevarine's eyes widen_.

**Nerevarine**: What a small world…

**Bosmer**: Ha, and my nephew almost fell off a strider just outside Vivec. He had to hang on while they went through a netch field, can you believe that?

**Dunmer**: I can believe it…

**Nerevarine**: This world is just too small.

**Bosmer**: Okay! We're here!

_They get up to leave, but the Dunmer stops_.

**Dunmer**: Hey, this is Gnisis! We were supposed to go to Khuul!

**Bosmer**: Uh…

**Dunmer**: You know what? I'm just going to get off now. Come on, Argonian.

**Argonian**: Coming, master.

_They leave_.

**Bosmer**: So be it! Well, I guess I should get you two to Khuul then. I'd hate to upset the Nerevarine!

**Nerevarine**: Yes, yes you would. Now, let's go.

_The Bosmer chuckles nervously, and they start off towards Khuul_.

**Nerevarine**: I have to be at Solstheim right away.

_The Nerevarine turns to M'aiq_.

**Nerevarine**: Have you been to Solstheim?

**M'aiq**: No, the Khajiit is not meant for cold. M'aiq is headed to Khuul in search of a Colovian fur helm.

**Nerevarine**: I see.

**M'aiq**: Perhaps the prey has with him some calipers for the Khajiit, eh?

**Nerevarine**: No, I'm afraid not.

**M'aiq**: Oh, alright…

_There is another pause_.

**Nerevarine**: You ever been to this part of Vvardenfell before?

**M'aiq**: Sure. M'aiq has seen much. The Khajiit has seen dragons. Has the human seen dragons?

**Nerevarine**: Uh, no, I haven't, but you've really seen a dragon?

**M'aiq**: Perhaps M'aiq has; perhaps he hasn't.

**Nerevarine**: Oh.

_The Nerevarine sighs and looks around_.

**Nerevarine**: You sure meet strange people in these things.

**M'aiq**: Strangers have the best candy…

_M'aiq strokes a small bottle hidden in his robe, laughing at his joke_.

**Nerevarine**: Uh, okay.

**Bosmer**: Hey! Is that bottle that illegal lunar candy stuff?

**Nerevarine**: Moon sugar?

**Bosmer**: Yeah! Is it? I don't want that on my strider.

_M'aiq stuffs the bottle in his robe_.

**M'aiq**: No, the Khajiit has no such thing.

_They stop talking as they finally come to Khuul_.

**Nerevarine**: Finally. By Azura, this ride was a lot longer than it needed to be. I'm glad to be going to Solstheim actually. There are no striders there to get caught up in and end up stuck with weird people.

**Bosmer**: (_Darkly_) Ah, Nerevarine, but there are boat rides.

_The Nerevarine's eyes widen_.

**Nerevarine**: Nooo!

_The Bosmer chuckles evilly while the Nerevarine dashes out of Khuul, throwing some sort of a fit_. _M'aiq steps off calmly shaking his head_.

**M'aiq**: Humans…


End file.
